The other evening I had the pleasure of venturing out to Crown with some girlfriends. I should mention that this is not something I do terribly often. Generally speaking, the ‘World of Entertainment’ serves to simply depress me and induce a massive migraine. However, post-Stakes Day provided this little blogger with a plethora of fashion crimes to report on.
1. Too tight, too short
I am all for flaunting your womanly curves, however there is a line where alluring ends and “OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT GIRL WEARING??!!!” takes over. A good outfit is one in which your positives are accentuated, attention is drawn away from your less attractive areas and the finer details are left safely to the imagination. As a general rule, if the world can see your underpants, or lack of underpants, you shouldn’t be wearing it.
It’s okay to wear something body conscious, it’s okay to wear a mini, it’s okay to wear something low cut, it’s okay to wear something backless. It is not okay for one dress to be all those things. And please ladies, if you choose to wear a mini-skirt, try it on for a friend before you wear it out – just because it covers your bits in front, doesn’t mean you’re all covered at the back.
Included in this category is the dreaded muffin top. Pants are meant to actually fit. End of story.
2. Just the right height
Like many other fashion devotees I love a good heel. As a member of the more petite portion of society, I need a good heel. However, there is a point at which an elegant pump or even stiletto stops being the finishing piece of a stunning ensemble and becomes plain stupid. If you are wobbling, hobbling, stumbling, if you’re in danger of losing your balance then the heel of your shoe is too high and rather than remembering your killer shoes, most will be more likely to remember the chick who ended up sprawled face down at the bottom of the escalator. In fact, they won’t need to remember you, they can just check out the latest uploads to the “Embarrassing Nightclub Photos” Facebook page. I am a huge fan of wedges – they can provide height, while still being reasonably comfortable. But again, keep it within reason. Overdo it and you end up looking like a reject from The Brady Bunch Goes to the Circus.
3. Oompa Loompa Factor
I get that some go the fake tan to help them attain a healthy glow. Truth be known, looking at my pasty white legs, many would claim I could probably benefit from a bit of fakery myself. However, there seems to be many Snooki wannabes out there who fail to understand that at some point one ceases to look sun-kissed and starts to look like a walking cheezel. If you must partake of this particular fad, please try to remember the advice of Ludwig Mies van der Rohe, “Less is more”.